Thursday, January 15, 2009

The talk

I am the daughter of a therapist, I have a friend who has never been. I can't tell who's better off."
>KATIE,29 First time in Therapy
I just talk I’m a talker. I talk.. too much. And I’m trying to not do that, to be a better listener. Talk less. But it’s hard you know because there’s that lull. And I know I know some people can sit with the lull, the silence but the truth is I can’t. And I’m being too honest, maybe. That’s my other thing, I guess it leads to the talking but I’m just too honest. My dad, my dada used to say ‘Our little Katie Kat doesn’t know a stranger’. That’s what he called me. My real names Katherine. But everyone calls me Katie, right, you know that. I’m trying to phase back to Katherine, at least professionally you know, but uhm. That’s a nice print. Flower print. Uhm supposed to be calming, well it is. Anyway he used to say I didn’t know a stranger cause I’d just talk to anyone, you know on family trips and stuff, and I don’t.

Am I talking too much? I mean I am paying you to listen right. I mean just not listen. I mean I’m sure you do more than listen I’m not saying you got degrees just to listen. Although I’m sure you are, seem like a good listener. But I’m supposed to be, honest with you. This isn’t like real world practice is it? Like a model for how I’m supposed to interact with others? It’s more for analyzing it. Ha I guess right? It’s called analysis. Sorry its just I’ve never paid to talk to anyone before, and now I feel guilty. And suddenly I’m just extremely self aware and feel narcissistic, which is ironic I guess. Ironic right? I don’t know I was a finance major. I’m a type A. You figured that out. Of course. So how long have you been doing this? Sorry, can you answer that? You don’t need to. I’m just trying to.. listen. See progress, five minutes in and progress, I told you I was a type A! This must be a humorless job. You can’t exactly laugh at your patients. Right? Even if what they say is funny you can’t laugh at them. I, I laugh a lot. I try to laugh at work. Accounts payable is not funny, nor fun really, but I try to laugh. Laughter is an integral part of physical wellness. It oxygenates your blood, thereby increases energy levels, relaxes your muscles and works out all your cardiovascular and respiratory systems. It’s paramount really. I’m just a happy person. Always have been. Sure things get you down but you just have to treat a crisis like an opportunity. Like this, this here, why I’m here, this is an opportunity. An opportunity for more knowledge of self and wellness. To learn. Because we’re broken open for a reason. I’m not broken, I’m broken open that’s different. I’m more exposed…so you can see the layers. Does that make sense to you?

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