Friday, August 28, 2009

apathy and rain


I think the worst thing is not to feel. I wish I had a stronger feeling about this, but I don’t. I’m saying it apathetically, whatever. Which in itself is ironic or something. I drink 4 coffees a days so I wake, ambien to sleep. And despite the food I eat, pills I take, drinks drank, people I fuck, traffic I play in, I’m waiting to feel. I’m too tired to run, hand and feet numb Hands, two. I have two, thank you. Yeah I’m rhyming, so what? Even this this speaking there’s like a space, a space between my thoughts and words, not that I’m editing them, I’m not aware enough to edit I guess, not smart enough., no not smart enough I..whatever=There’s just space, like a delay. And maybe it’s the rain. And my lack of good wellies, or a ‘brolly’. English people say that’brolly’, brolly-englishpeople...english persons-and what do they call a phone a, a blower? Something. Anyway I’d like one. But I wouldn’t call it that because I’d sounds stupid, or screw ot, maybe I would. A fashionable umbrella. With clouds or the subway system, or wheat field by van gogh? If I had one I’d lose it. I used to buy a new one every time it rained, a ‘five dollar’ ‘five dollar’ umbrella on the street. But now, now I just get wet. And I don’t mind it really, have no feelings either way. The thing with getting wet, is you dry. It let’s up eventually.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Things that are not socially acceptable

-poking babies in the eye.

-dancing to other people’s cell phone rings

-answering honestly when someone asks you how you are

-putting vodka in juice boxes

-having ex’s meet current girlfriends to discuss how needs were and were not being met.

-discussing hair removal

-telling people that you don’t like their dog.

-lying down on a subway bench

-sleeping in your car

-saying ‘no we shouldn’t’ when people you haven’t seen in a while say ‘we should hang out soon’.

-admit that you actually like being single.

yelling 'walk!!' at dogs in handbags.

-saying congratulations when someone gets engaged, or good luck!

-laughing at a stupid name, ie. Kimee, and anything ending in an ‘I’

-saying 'i'm sorry' or 'oh god' to a pregnant woman.

-admit that you clean for the cleaning lady

-tell people that you liked them better when you first met.

-asking someone on the train if you can use their ipod

-public urination

-discussing public urination or any bathroom habits.

-asking to borrow beer from a neighbor, or anything other than sugar or a shovel

-sampling produce,

-punching professional sport or themepark mascots in the face.

-licking the bowl.

using children's playground equipment

-talking about sex, politics, or God at the top of your lungs.


Okay okay okay okay, whatever okay okay okay yes okay. I got it, yup got it, got it got it. Okay okay okay, love you, okay….okay…okay.. bye. What? No. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you, it’s just I’m not in a place that’s conducive to talking to you. Conducive mom, conducive. A good place. For talking. No I’m fine. No no that’s not what I meant mentally I am in a good place. I mean physically. No I feel okay. No I’m not sick. I mean for talking.. on the phone. Its loud. I said it’s loud. It’s loud. You can’t hear me because it’s loud. Yes I can hear you. Yes I can hear you. Hello, hello, hello. Mom stop saying hello, I can hear you. I’m sorry, it’s not my fault you can’t hear me. No I’m not blaming you I’m just saying it’s not my fault. Mom can I call you back, can I call you back? Can I call you back? When? later. I don’t know. You need an exact time? Uhm like 2. Okay 2. Okay okay okay bye, okay. I love you.