Excerpt from a short play SWIPE. Sarah slightly drunk has just been stood up by an online date.
I just- I'm going to be honest with you. Okay? Balls to the walls. I don't have balls but if I had them they would be on the wall.
I'm not an exceptional person.
No it's okay I'm not. I'm not beautiful, I'm pretty -okay I'm not even pretty, I'm cute. I’m nice. Which is basically what people say when they don’t know what to say. I get jokes, but I'm not funny. I'm moderately intelligent. I have an okay job, It's a job, I pay my bills, and I do it. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm never going to be the best at anything, and I’m okay with that, I’m totally okay with that because I'm a good person. I’m not exceptional, but I’m a really good person. And that doesn't matter anymore.
Think about it. Our generation - our parents told us our entire lives that we were special. That we could be whatever we wanted to be. That we could do anything, get anything. And it's this big fucking lie because we can't ALL be special. We can't ALL be exceptional. And because of it most of us end up always looking for the next best thing and never commit to or DO anything. PEOPLE DON’T KNIT ANYMORE!
(You lost me there.)
It's not enough that you like to knit now you have to open up a fucking Etsy store full of artisanal coasters. You can’t have a dog from the pound it’s a ‘rescue’. You can’t just have normal wedding chicken or salmon it has to be fair trade or organic or something. We’re updating our operating systems all the time, you get the 5 you want the 6. There’s always something better around the corner. It’s exhausting. I tried and I couldn’t keep up.
I don't want to be special. I want to be happy.
So what I would say, not my imp, ME. What I would say to this guy, this internet guy, not text him or e-mail him or say to his face his actual face is:
(She looks him dead in the eye. )
'You are not special, you're just a guy, who can't make a choice, and thinks people are disposable and whatever you do, whoever you’re with, you're always going to be miserable and alone. And I feel sorry for you'