Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Apparently when I leave Brooklyn I turn into Nordic Larry David; A Play in One Act

There are moments when you realize that you are not as mature as people perceive you to be. 

A Conversation with a Tribeca Mom,  while walking the dog  *

Me: So do you work in the area?
Lady: Oh no I'm just waiting. Going with my daughter on a class field trip -we're walking over the Brooklyn Bridge. 
M: That's great. Cold day for it.  You going to go to Patsy's after?
L: Nooo they don't let them eat that. 
M: ...Right. 
L: Yeah. My daughter goes to PS150 over there. 
M: How old is she? 
L: Seven.
M: Oh that's great. 2nd grade? Does she like it?
L: We love it. She could have gone to 234 but we like 150. 234 is good but 150 is comparable to Hunter, or  Chapin, Brearley...Fieldston.
M: ...Totally... That's good to hear about the public schools in New York. I think about that sometimes. 
L: Oh yeah. We're really happy. Do you have kids?
M: No, but I like them...(strange look) 
Or would like  to have them (stranger look)...come out of me someday...(Even stranger look) 
I mean I'm not there yet, but someday I will be there, or here... or wherever I am.  
L: ...Yeah you don't seem like you'd have kids. 
M: Yeah... After conversations like this apparently not..ha...but hopeful...very very hopeful.... Only takes one right? 
                               (Joke not accepted.)
M: Well, nice meeting you, have a great field trip at the bridge. Don't jump!
 (Another awkward look as the dog sits there and refuses to go as I pull him.)

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Heartbreak before Myrtle Ave

AYANA, 6 sitting on the  J train, to the little boy across from her. 

Okay. Nah. Nah. Nooo! You do it like this.
(She takes her hands and makes a heart over her chest.)
Yeah, yeah yeah, you make a heart and send it to me. No come on send it to me- give it to me.
Like this!
(She places the 'hand heart' on her chest, and pushes it out into the air.)
Now catch it! For serious catch it. You catch my heart. I gave it to you. You catch it. I ain't gonna play with you no more if you jus drop it. Nooooo take it.
(She tries again.)
It's special. You can't jus be dropping it and not even tryin.  Like this.
(She makes a hand heart.)
Now you give me yours...
Awhhhhh for real? I ain't give you nothin if you ain't give me nothin back. What you just playin? 'snot funny, 'snot.  Come on! Yeah that's how you make it, not give it. Cause it ain't real till you give it away. Then I catch it and I give it back. I'll be careful.
(They send the 'heart' across the subway aisle, back and forth once.)
Now don't you drop it. It's almost my stop.
(Back and forth again. He gets bored drops his hands.)
IWell ain't you gonna give it back? You took it, you gotta give it back. You gotta give it back. You gotta. You gotta.  Mommy he dropped it! I'm sitting. 'Kay. I'm sitting.
 (She scootches back on the seat. Quiet. Then...)
It ain't stupid, you're stupid. You don't now how to do it right. Like this.
(She holds up her hand heart to her chest.)
I just keep it, I just keep my heart. I don't need yours. I got mine.

(Apparently this movement was patented. My apologies to google.-mo)