Wednesday, January 6, 2016

In defense of unicorns (free write)

HER: Is a norwal real?

HIM: Excuse me?

HER: Narwha- Norwhale?  No. Norwhal, I think. The whale with the horn.  That’s real.

HIM: Honey, I don’t know.

HER: No I think it is.  It has a horn. 

HIM: A tusk.

HER: Right. It’s like a tusk, or  horn something.

HIM: But what does it do with it?

HER: With what?

HIM: The tusk? Does it have an evolutionary purpose.

HER: Not everything needs a purpose.

HIM: It had to be there for a reason.  The tusk.

HER:  This is the difference between men and women.  Scientifically.

HIM: Oh so now you’re dealing with science?  Let’s google it. They exist. 

HER: No that men want actions and thoughts, and women want feelings.

HIM:    Now it’s psychoanalysis? What does that-

HER: I heard it on a lecture.

HIM:    See you’re into facts too.  Can we just google it?

HER: It’s just an observation, it felt accurate to the moment.

HIM: What does this have to do with a narwhal-whale- whatever?

HER: Exactly, you want answers.  Action.  Proof. I don’t need it.

HIM:    Scientifically there’s a reason.

HER: I don’t think there needs to be a reason. Maybe it just likes it the horn, so it kept it. Maybe it’s just how it was made. Maybe it’s just pretty.

HIM:  That doesn't make sense. Maybe it’s a big tooth or something.

HER: I don't care if it's a tooth.

 HIM: A tooth/horn. To attack its prey, and it's been rendered obsolete.

HER:  The how doesn’t matter.

HIM: Yes it does.

HER: No, it’s a rare beautiful thing, that we’re never going to see. The how of the horn doesn’t matter.

HIM:  I think it does, but whatever.  What are you getting at?

HER:  If this horned thing exists,  The narwhale.

HIM: Narwhal.

HER:  And it makes no sense that it has a horn.  You agree that it makes no sense?

HIM: Sure. That I know of. 

HER:  Well then what about unicorns…

HIM:  Excuse me?

HER: Unicorns.

HIM:    What?

HER:  You’ve never seen a narwhal?

HIM: No. I’ve never seen a narwhal. How much did you drink?

HER: One glass.  Okay you’ve never seen a narwhal and yet you say it exists.

HIM:  Sure. Just one glass?

HER:  Yes! So how do you know a unicorn doesn’t exist?

HIM:  You mean like Lisa Frank shit?

HER: Stop it!

HIM: No it was all over the trapper keepers with rainbows. I think unicorns crap rainbows.

HER: I’m not joking. I’m asking how you feel.

HIM:  I feel like... you’re a thirty year old woman asking me if I believe in unicorns.

HER:  Why can’t you just believe?

HIM:  In a unicorn?

HER:    In anything. In something intangible, in something hopeful, in something possible, magic.

HIM:  Honey-

HER:  Not everything has a purpose. You and I together don’t have a purpose.

HIM:    Sure we do.

HER: If we don't have kids societally we have no purpose. "Evolutionarily". You seem to be very into evolution.

HIM: What?  This isn't the scopes monkey trial. This is us. We have a purpose.

HER: Evolutionarily?

HIM: We have a purpose.

HER:    Fine, what is it?

HIM: We’re together to…to combat loneliness?

HER: I’m not even going to acknowledge that.

HIM: But you'll acknowledge unicorns.

HER: You're with me to deal with loneliness?

HIM:   That's why people are in relationships.

HER: Funny.

HIM:  You’re mad at me because I won’t believe in unicorns.

HER:   You won’t entertain the possibility.

HIM:  Of unicorns?

HER:  It’s not about unicorns.

HIM:    Then what is it about? I’m not having a fight about ugly tooth whales and unicorns.

HER:  It’s about faith, it’s about’s about God.

HIM: We went from unicorns to God.

HER: You won’t even entertain the possibility of something existing without it being rational. I need magic.

HIM: Then let’s go to the castle. You can see some tricks.

HER: I need someone who believes something bigger.  Why do you think we met?

HIM:  Because we were set up, and your sister thought I was cute. 

HER:  I need to be someone’s unicorn. I need to be with someone who is okay with not knowing exactly but hoping. I don’t know shit.  I need someone to entertain the possibility of what they don’t know, even if they don’t exist.

HIM:  You’re breaking up with me because I don’t believe in unicorns.

HER:  No, because you don’t believe.  And maybe you’ll meet a girl who will immediately google narwhal and the conversation will be over.  But I’m not her. It'd be easier if I was. 

HIM:  I like when you ask questions.

HER: You like when they have answers.
 I'm sorry.

HIM: It doesn't make sense. 

They stand there in silence, he picks up his phone.

HIM:  Narwhals can get to be about 2100 lbs.

HER: I didn’t know that.

HIM: Neither did I.

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