Saturday, November 29, 2008


Whenever an older man hits on me at a bar. I ask him about his kids, it always makes me smile.

DREW “GRANPA” DONNELY (47, overweight. Upper Eastside bar. )
I been a fireman for 27 years, longer than you been alive. Love it, best job in the world best guys in the world. They’re fun. They’re brave, and they work hard. Got some bad news for you though, see those guys, they’re good guys, the best guys in the world, attractive guys, strong guys, smart guys, but they don’t make a lot of money though. Pick one, you like one I’ll send one over here. Just not Little Billy, you’re too good for lil Billy. How about Patty over there. Striped shirt. Pat’s a good guy, owns a restaurant in Florida. It’s a good life.

Work two days, off five, can spend it with the family. I got two kids. Twins. Boys. Ten. Yeah yeah they been to the house for Christmas parties every year. Smart boys. One played baseball and he wants to stop and I say " okay". The other plays soccer, says he wants to stop soccer I say "okay". The one plays the (mimes an instrament) clarinet, the other plays violin, and he’s pretty good. He’s learnin. The other the (clarinet miming) made all county band-very good. One plays football. And this, this is the only thing I can teach my son, the only sport I can teach my son. And he says he wants to stop playing football and play clarinet. And I say " Okay, okay whatever you want to do". Because I want my kids to follow their dreams you know? But I say to his mother “he is going to be 6’2” 250 pounds he could have been a linebacker for the Giants, a great lineback, and he wants to fucking play music. But I never say this to them.

They’re smart kids. Played classical music to my wifes stomach. They have these exams, state wide exams here in New York that all the fourth graders take, and the principal calls me in and says that they both got perfect scores, and I says how many in the school got perfect scores and he says four. Two out of four. When they were babies, as soon as they came out my wife. She’s laying there with her legs open and I pick them up and none of this gagagoo stuff I say “Tommy one ..two..three.. four. Danny one…two…three…four”. I read that in a Japanese magazine. I’m a smart man, I’m no genius but I read a lot-lots of time. Never “goochy coohy cooo bullshit but one…two… three…four…one…two…three… four”. And as they get older “five …six…seven.. eight.. nine…ten… then five…ten… fifteen …twenty Dad”. I just hope they aren’t accountants. All the counting. See you you’re an actress and that’s nice, tough life. gotta have a dream you know. I just don’t think people dream of being accountants. But whatever they want to be you know I’ll say " okay". If the clarinet player comes to me and says" Dad I want to be an actor" I’ll say "okay". I’d rather he play football but I’ll say "okay".

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