Thursday, May 24, 2012


Maybe they were all lies. Everything they said what they saw. Maybe they were the kind of things that people think they want, but the idea of sustaining that being in the presence of that is too much. Maybe I'm..forget it. This isn't about me right? You said this isn't about me? And I know you think you're different, but you're not.  I mean you are because you're you, and I care about you but- You all talked about, my hands, my fingers like you talked to each other like you were paraphrasing the same script. Because you can say all those things, you can say all of it, and I can say things I don't really mean to try and make you stay. Recycled turns of phrases that I can twist but I'll believe in the moment, and it doesn't matter what you say, or I say because you're still going to leave. That's how this is going to go. After we have that obligatory cry you're going to leave.  You left in your mind weeks in, moments in, and you've just been riding the obligation of that presence. Because they all leave. I mean I guess everyone leaves everyone eventually right? And it's my fault my frequency that I'm sending out in the universe... the same thing just coming into my orbit, listening for a bit.

 And yeah sure, in about two sentences you're going to say that we'll keep in touch, that I'm 'special' or some bullshit that you want to be part of my life in some 'context', but you won't, we won't. Because I don't turn it off, can't turn it off. And I wish, I wish I could change the channel to some pop song or something, but I'm.. I'm Phillip glass. No that's pretentious I'm.. I'm that Bon Iver album you listen to when you first get it, and then after a while it's just too hard or it reminds you of something else... it's just too something. And you like it, it's a good album it's just not a 'fun' album.  I don't know.  And you'll try to call at first, and we'll get coffee twice and pretend it's normal so you can feel good about yourself, but then you'll just let it go. Let me go. All over again. And I'll find out over the internet that you're engaged to some girl, some boring, simple easy girl, at least I'll tell myself that that's who she is. Simple. And I'll envy her for being so simple. And staring at a screen I'll wish I could be more simple.

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