Sunday, December 14, 2008

a million little leaps

The following is from 'After'. This past year has taught me about what I built my life on, and I'm still learning about what that foundation should be. All it takes is one moment, and that foundation cracks.

There are certain things you trust You trust that when you get out of your bed in the morning the ground will hold you up. You trust this. It’s always happened before. You trust that your limbs will move you one step after the other. That without thinking you’ll just walk. You trust that your shower head won’t shoot off, crash into your skull and you’ll bleed to death due to water pressure. You trust that the subway will get you to work on time safely. That at 9:30 they’ll have coffee at your local deli. That the elevators will work. That your key will fit. That when you come home your home will be there, just as you left it-that your socks will still be on the floor. That someday maybe you’ll have a family, a dog, some grass, a future. You trust that you’ll outlive your parents, that you can laugh if you want, cry if you want. Have enough time to watch the films that you lie about seeing. That your friends will call, that your brain will match your thoughts with words, that others will hear these words, and understand them.
A million little leaps of faith. A million little things we take for granted that we trust will just be there everyday. Why shouldn’t we? We trust that we have control of our bodies, and our minds, and our hearts, and our lives, and that others won’t harm these things..

But we don’t. We think we control these things but we don’t.
We just have to think we do, because it would be too hard to exist if we didn’t.
And in a second you realize you don’t. And everything you ever thought you were doesn’t matter anymore.

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